Friday, October 15, 2010

Friday in a Quiet Classroom

"Let the beauty we love be what we do
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground." - Rumi

Hello out there.  I'm sitting at my desk, looking out at 18 empty student desks this morning.  They are all at a retreat at Camp Shamineau and I will spend the rest of my morning trying to focus on planning and preparing for the next full teaching week.  Okay, yes, I'm procrastinating.  Grace, please.

Yesterday they were gone, too, and I'll admit - I was a little bored.  The morning went so slowly without them.  I've fallen hard for these kids I didn't even know 2 months ago.  I love them, I do, with all their weird ways, acne, squeaky voices and bad jokes.  I love their total vulnerability, and the drama that only a middle schooler/high schooler can understand. 

I was pretty skeptical going in -- wondering how much my heart could actually hold.  I had loved students once upon a time, in a place that now feels like a dream.  And it's different, but somehow very much the same.  I still love with abandon because I have no choice.  It's a spiritual act that I cannot explain.  God simply plants those little souls inside my heart. 

I am humbled.  Honored.  It's overwhelming to think of the responsibility I have each day to walk with integrity and honesty before not only my own children, but now these 35 that look to me each day.  So help me God.


Erin said...

just hearing you talk with such passion about it students, and relationships planted in the heart makes it little less than a dream from long ago...makes me remember a bit. Makes me try to picture the sights, sounds,people, and I find myself squinting or closing my eyes altogether to try to reassemble or restructure it. Its funny how I can play it like a slow motion reel in my head. Like certain people's laughs or another person's defining facial expressions. Things that will only ever be unique of a leaky roofed modular or fresh paint in a new building. Tender memories.

Jeannie said...

Erin, yes, I remember so many details and names and's ridiculous how many times I accidently say "Heritage" or "HCA" when I'm talking about school. :)

There's just nothing more fun than laughing together as a class...or getting all geeked over a poem or it so much.

I also remember a couple of sweet students (grin) who started with eyes without light or joy, but who graduated as completely born-again individuals - a beautiful miracle I was honored to witness :)