Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Rock On, Mama

Today I met with my worship pastor, Tim. I've been on the worship team since last spring and have enjoyed it tremendously. It's allowed me to be "me" - not "Mommy" for a few moments. I love being Mommy, she just gets pretty tired sometimes.

He told me something kinda funny, but very true. He said I have these "two voices" that he's noticed. One is a little too pretty, full of vibrato and such. The other is bit more rough and tough -- that's the one he wants, the one that fits our style and the songs we're doing. It just made me laugh a little bit, cause I guess I've got two "singers" inside me. There's the girl that's had all the chorale and techniques drilled into her head, and then the girl who has dreams about being a rock star diva (a conservative diva, that is...)

I love singing so much and I have always struggled with the whole "am-I-really-singing-for-God's-glory?" question. But I've heard this quote time and again about Eric Lidell - (is that his name?) the runner from the Chariots of Fire movie who says, "When I run, I feel God's pleasure." That is how I feel when I sing. I don't think I ever feel closer to God than when I close my eyes and send it on up. I'm convinced that God knows my dreams, He knows my heart, and even if I don't get to live out my dreams here on earth, He has an exciting and better way to let me belt it out in Heaven.


Angele said...

A big fat ditto to this! I think we're kindred spirits or something.

I sang on the praise and worship team at our church before we moved up here to Canada. I hadn't sung for years and deciding to participate was a huge decision for me. I had the years of choir and voice lessons behind me, I had the technical stuff down. But I didn't want singing to be about performing and it was the first time I would try to sing other than for myself or an audience. It was uncharted territory but very rewarding.

I struggle with the who-am-I-really singing for thing too. I'm glad to be on hiatus for now as we search for a new church. I think I need to get reacquainted with God in a non-musical way, which is a challenge. It's so easy to fill my entire day (my whole existence really) with kid and household stuff. So, for now, singing is on the back burner but I think it's as it should be.

This was a really fun post for me to read...thanks for speaking my mind!

Josh said...


I, for one, miss singing with you on a weekly basis. ('Course, I just miss singing period... but that is not the point here...) I never once got the sense that you were singing for the wrong reasons.

I always enjoyed singing with you because of your obvious love of God and how that love for God came out so beautifully in your voice.

I remember one time you sang a song that so deeply touched my heart that I asked you to sing it again the next week after I preached in the evening service. I don't remember the title... but I remember the chorus was something like: don't let the carpe diem die...

Mind you... I am not a big fan of the special music. But your specials always had a way of drawing me into the presence of God. I always appreciated that about you.

Anywoo... glad your family is safe and sound. Glad to hear that you are still singing!

Your friend,

Josh Howard

Heidi said...

Darling! I was just musing yesterday if you were putting those pipes into action... awesome. Yes, post-chorale I had a hard time finding the voice that "fit" the style. Being on worship team was a wonderful thing. Maybe someday again... but I'd love to sing with you anyday!!