Today I met with my worship pastor, Tim. I've been on the worship team since last spring and have enjoyed it tremendously. It's allowed me to be "me" - not "Mommy" for a few moments. I love being Mommy, she just gets pretty tired sometimes.
He told me something kinda funny, but very true. He said I have these "two voices" that he's noticed. One is a little too pretty, full of vibrato and such. The other is bit more rough and tough -- that's the one he wants, the one that fits our style and the songs we're doing. It just made me laugh a little bit, cause I guess I've got two "singers" inside me. There's the girl that's had all the chorale and techniques drilled into her head, and then the girl who has dreams about being a rock star diva (a conservative diva, that is...)
I love singing so much and I have always struggled with the whole "am-I-really-singing-for-God's-glory?" question. But I've heard this quote time and again about Eric Lidell - (is that his name?) the runner from the Chariots of Fire movie who says, "When I run, I feel God's pleasure." That is how I feel when I sing. I don't think I ever feel closer to God than when I close my eyes and send it on up. I'm convinced that God knows my dreams, He knows my heart, and even if I don't get to live out my dreams here on earth, He has an exciting and better way to let me belt it out in Heaven.