Thursday, July 13, 2006

Getting to Jesus, Part Two

"The Lord is my strength, my shield from every danger.
I trust in him with all my heart.
He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.
I burst out in songs of thanksgiving."
Psalm 28: 7

The comments from my last post were so encouraging to me. I would open each comment a little cautiously, hoping not to be judged or given a list of more "rules" or religious activity (is that the clanging gong from 1 Corinthians 13 I hear??)

Thankfully, after writing that post last Sunday, everyone was pretty low-key in the house (I so love Sunday afternoons...) so I slipped outside and sat under a shady tree overlooking the lake with just my Bible and a journal. I tried so hard not to hurry myself or wonder if Aaron was needing my help. I just dove in and started writing to the Lord and let Him take me wherever.

It felt so good to be quiet for once. My life has a lot of noise. He does not shout, so I have to have this kind of moment to HEAR. I walked back into the house feeling full, feeling filled to the top.

Last night, I joined a friend at her church's Bible study for women and left, again, with a heart that felt like it'd had a long, cool drink. The leader gave us a couple minutes at the end to look up several verses and find one that "hit" right where we were. Mine was Psalm 27:9 (New Living Translation) -

"Do not hide yourself from me.
Do not reject your servant in anger.
You have always been my helpler.
Don't leave me now; don't abandon me,
O God of my salvation!"

That was where I was living at the time and David had captured exactly the way I was feeling. Thankfully, my heart was quiet enough to hear. Thank you, Lord.


Holly said...

Myrna Jean. I know it goes without saying, but let me say, I love you! You really are just one of the most amazing people I know... Thanks for being open and real, it does my heart good.

MiKemple said...

i ditto holly's comments mrs. reid.
I love you guys so much and miss you a bunch, but it is great to stay in touch through these blogs and i am so encouraged when i take a minute and find out about you and the boys...what an amazing family...please tell Aaron i wrote and let him know how much he has meant to me...we grew in our faith and in our love for the Lord and His people in very cool ways while you guys lived here. I hope our paths cross again soon. May the blessings of the Holy Spirit pour out on all of you. Much love, mike

Jen said...

i popped in to find you a lot like i find myself most days. I hear ya lady. There are just those days, weeks, hopefully not months, when I feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark. Then I stub my toes on something and ask, "God, was that you?" It's not ever him. and you know, it's always when i take the time to turn on the light that i find him. amazing revelation, huh?
geez, we are a stubborn people. I'd like to think myself an intelligent woman, God so often proves me wrong.

So I hope you are getting to Jesus. I am finding my way there. Sometimes I just don't recongize him when I see the dark.

Angele said...

It was nice to read about how cautious you are to open to your comments and not want to be judged...I pour my guts out a lot on my blog and while I know some people are uncomfortable with that, I can't be me while trying to fit the mold of their comfort zones you know? I hear you--it takes massive courage to share the deep thoughts...I wish as a church we made it safer to talk about some things that people are DYING to say but are so afraid that no one WANTS to or WILL hear...your temporary disconnected feeling from Jesus is what I fear we all feel ALL THE TIME amongst each other.

Every time I blog about my deepest feelings, I feel good, feel filled up and hopeful I've shared something that will bless just one person who feels the same and doesn't have courage to voice it...then a few hours later, doubt creeps in and my stomach does anxious flips and I wonder 'what have I done? why have I exposed myself to potential ridicule, disbelief, or judgment?' I fight the urge to erase all I've written and try to have faith that God is using my words to work in someone's heart.

That 'Got A Lot to Say' email/blog I sent a few days ago left me feeling super exposed in this manner when at first I felt so free...more so than usual because there's some amount of safety in blogging since people have to make an effort to go to the blog, they may never read my thoughts...but I actually emailed the blog to people I knew don't visit my blog and THAT really got my stomach churning because I witnessed so much about my faith and God in that email and sent it to dear friends that don't know God...I risk offending them, pushing them away, and yet I'm trying to have courage at not deny Jesus before men...and it's so hard. I think they'll read my intent was to share my personal experiences and not push faith onto others.

Like you, I am relieved and encouraged when I get the 'good' comments friend said she loves how I write because she feels like she's living right along side me...and while I constantly worry I'm being too wordy that people will get bored, she reminded me that when there's spirit, hope, and true emotion in all those words, it's not boring.

So here I am being wordy again but I just had to tell you I feel the fear too and that I am blessed by your courage.

Jeannie said...

aw, i love wordy people. they help me know i'm not weird :)

Angele said...

Wordy One to Wordy Too (or Two, get it????)...over...
(didn't you ever wish you had CB radio to play on when you were a kid going on road trips???)